8 Months pregnant. Where do I begin?
The past 8 months have been a whirlwind. They flew by so quickly. I’ve learned a lot about myself and have come to know/see the Lord in a different way. He is so many things. He has so many names. Each name describes who He is, an attribute of Him. He has been my peace. He has been my refuge. He has been my trust. He has been a Father to me and a teacher.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was mad. There is no other word to describe it. Even though I committed the act, I was still angry at the Lord. After all, He is the creator of life. My thought process was, Sure, I chose to sin. But You chose to create life from it!! I screamed. I yelled at God. I cried. I even threatened the life of this unborn child that God has given to me. The funny part is that God showed me (in a dream) that I was going to be pregnant before I even had sex with his father. Nothing surprises the Lord. 🙂
So, why was I so upset? My biggest issue was people. What would they think about me? How can I ever open up my mouth about the Lord now that I’m pregnant? I felt like I had a scarlet X on my forehead. I was ashamed. I was afraid of man. (But what can man do to me if my trust is in the Lord?) I was also avoiding the ignorant comments from the religious, self-righteous folks as well as comments from those who just have no clue.
As a result of this fear, I hid.
I kept my pregnancy a secret from my family and church for 3 months! I was still struggling with the fear and the spirit of murder, i.e. abortion. However, once I accepted the fact that I was indeed pregnant, through the help of the Lord and the counsel of my pastors and those around me, I came out. I let my inner circle (my family, friends, and church) know. But I still wasn’t ready to let good old Facebook know. Haha!
You see, I get on Facebook and boldly talk about all types of things. I don’t shy away from the tough topics of the day like homosexuality, the end-times, and the falling away of the church. But now, I had fallen. At least that’s how I kept seeing myself.
But I realized something. The pride, the shame, the hiding – I was just as self-righteous and wrong as those I feared would judge me. I had put my faith in Jesus Christ to naught. My actions told the Lord that His blood wasn’t enough for me. My actions told the Lord that I didn’t believe Him when he said if I repented of my sin, He would be faithful to forgive me. I told the Lord, who knew every one of us before we were formed in our mother’s womb, that Jeremiah 1:5 was a lie. By denying His work on the cross, I became righteous in my own self.
But God is faithful. He stuck by me. He loved on my when I had let go. He told me that He was pleased with me, despite my transgression. He told me He loved me and would take care of me, no matter what.
Now, my charge to you is to remember that no matter what you’re going through, God is forever faithful. Seek Him while He may be found. Nothing can separate you from the love of God. And no one but yourself can cancel out the work that you’re called to do. A righteous man may fall seven times and rise again. If you fall, repent, get back up, and keep running this race. You have been made righteous in Him; you don’t have your own righteousness, but that which is through faith in Jesus Christ.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re less of a person. Don’t let anyone condemn you. Jesus said himself that He did not come to condemn the world. He loves and convicts us through His love. It’s His love that brings us to repentance.
So, when you’re going through, go through with God. He is the only One that matters. You hold your head high and you remember that you are forgiven and made righteous through Him and Him alone.
For what can man do to you? 🙂
All photos were taken by Dean Cook of Dean Cook Photography. Please do not copy or redistribute photos.